Living in the Now

I want to talk about striking the balance between working with a long-term goal in mind, yet living in the now. They are almost two opposing forces, but I believe there is a way to strike the balance. Living in the now is the true, simple, honest way to live and be happy. To just be in a state of mind in which you are absorbed by the moment means that you appreciate the moment, you appreciate where you are, who you are, what you have right now, and you don’t waste the moment. But in our world we’ve been taught to plan, to set goals, to live for our future and our past, and to buy time any way we can. How can we strike a balance between the two? Can we live our lives in the now, yet still plan for our future? Well we have to look at it in more specific terms to really personify this concept. For instance, living in the now can mean accepting our situation, whatever it may be. Being in a negative situation could bring lots of negative emotions and responses, but if we change our perspective and accept the situation and its reality, we can change how we respond to it. This of course is easier said than done. What this world surrounds us with on a day to day basis is hard to ignore. Its hard to ignore our attachments, our pain, our emotions, but its the teaching we must hold on to. Striving for it. Nobody knows what the future brings, and the past is gone.

Seattle Trip and my Reassessment

Safiyah,

As you are already an international traveler, having been to England, you’ve done a little domestic also. The two of us, mother and daughter duo, went to Seattle recently to visit some family and a friend. While you played with your cousin Madeena’s dollhouse and occupied yourself with her many toys, including a doll-stroller and a miniature cindarella doll (sabella as you called it), your mother had yet another “reassessment” happen to her. This “reassessment” is my conscious name for what others like to call a “mid-life-crisis.” They happen about once a year in my life. I have come to a point in which something is not working for me.. it can be anything a job, a family situation, whatever. In my case, it is my job. So as you can probably guess, I’m going to vent a bit to you. Hey I earned it, dealing with your one year old self. You aren’t exactly easy, but I do have to cheesily add in that I enjoy every second with you and love everything you do. Now back to me. I am basically going through some kind of change. I know that my path is split at the moment. I won’t get specific because that will definitely bore you. And by being a bit more abstract and vague, it may help you more, allowing you to relate it to your own personal dilemmas.

I spoke to my father today. He told me that one of the important things I have to learn is to be confident in myself and my qualifications. The bottom line is that I have to potential to achieve my goals. But I need to match my potential with confidence. If I don’t believe in my own abilities, I can not convince anyone else of them. I have to speak to people as an expert, whether I am or not. Why is this important? Because its like the same lesson we learn from reading “The Alchemist” and reading “The Celestine Prophesy”, and all those other books about allowing the universe to work with you.. the laws of attraction, the secret, whatever you want to call it. They all say this bottom line: If you want something really bad and you do everything in your own power to achieve it, the universe will bend to make that thing happen for you.

Did you ever notice that the people who are most successful are the ones that followed their dreams, as random as those dreams may have been? Did you ever notice that the people who became successful were passionate about what they did, and focused on that one thing, no matter what happened? Success is not necessarily monetary. Success can be determined in many ways. Many legendary and revolutionary people we hear about today probably never thought they were successful during their own lives. They weren’t rich, they weren’t successful in any worldly sense, but their legacies live on in textbooks and teach people about truth and equality on a daily basis.

I have never wanted to be the person who gives in to doing anything just to make money and get a bigger and better house/car/outfit/toy. I have always wanted to contribute to society in some way, and that is what I have learned from my father and my uncle, and other inspirational people in my life.

The reality though sets in. I go back and forth with the dream and the reality. The reality is that money makes the world go round in this world. Yes, we are in the midst of an economic crash, and almost everyone is hurting right now. Its not about dreams when this reality sets in .. its about putting food on the table. Its about being able to buy diapers, pay the mortgage, and not go into deeper debt. How can we fuse the two together? How can we pursue our dreams, and keep the practical life working? There is a balance.. and the balance comes from being able to fuse the dream and the reality.. or realize that the reality can be seen as a dream. Does this make sense? Its about not taking this temporary life so seriously. Its about keeping one food in this world, while another is set in the mystical world in which nothing exists. Another way of looking at it is like this: we must pull together our worldly and spiritual resources to make something happen. One can not work without the other.

Now I just have to internalize all of these thoughts and make them work for me.

Reading together

Sometimes you bring a book to me then you crawl on top of me and lay down facing outwards and I read the book to you as we both look at the pages. I love our time together reading.. its such a pleasure and so rewarding for both of us.
I ask you what the pictures are and you point to each of them and tell me from the words you know.  You also read a lot with both of your Grandmothers.

I love my little reader.

the little things in life

I hope you are always as content as you are now. The little things in life make you happy. For instance, yesterday we went to Trader Joe’s to buy groceries and on the way out this nice woman gave you a TJ’s baloon. You loved it and played with it all day yesterday and all day today. It brought the biggest smile to your face! You didn’t get sick of it and throw it away and ask for another toy.. you enjoyed every second with it and continued to enjoy it and I love that about you.

Your dad got you your Eid present today because he knows how much you love it.. He got you a guitar. Its so cute. It has a hawaiian design on it. You love guitars and always want to play them, so now you’ll have your own.

Also, you have been really enjoying your “Colors” book. You look at it and take all the cut out animals out and do the motions and noises with them. You also like reading all your winnie the pooh books. My favorite book to read you is Olivia because she reminds me of you.  The ABC’s of the Qur’an book is also a favorite.

Sometimes you bring a stack of books to read.  You love reading.. another thing that I hope lasts your whole life.. because your parents and grandparents all love books and its a gift to enjoy books. You travel without going anywhere. You experience life without leaving your couch. Its amazing.

Lately your father and I have been reading a lot of Eckhart Tolle.. so make sure when you are older that you check out his books and recordings of his lectures. We are trying to practice living in the now.. and experiencing the true sense of our being. Trying to just BE.. and accept every thing big and small without reacting to it. These practices and lessons are learned throughout life. Its a gradual process that takes time.. and has its ups and downs depending on where we are in life. You will see.

Another Lesson.

There is a human behind (almost) everything. If you understand this concept then you will be more successful in life. There is usually a person behind every bureaucracy, so if you want something .. you can sometimes depend on the human behind the fake facade of a robot or institution. Just try it.. it may sometimes work.  Appeal to the human behind the thing.. okay i’d explain more but you are crying so i’m gonna go get u.

“little big kid”

Little Miss Safiyah.. you are growing up by the second. You have such character and personality. Your word bank has grown incredibly also.

You are now about 18 months.. or 1 and a half.

You’ve been throwing some tantrums too.. making a little mad face. Sometimes I have to put you in the corner cuz you have been misbehaving quite a bit lately.

The cool thing is the speed at which you are picking up words! You can say several animal names, people’s names or titles, and things.. you understand concepts and can even put sentences together.. Sometimes you talk on the phone with people in a mixture of english, spanish, urdu, and safiyah-language. Its pretty cool.. we can tell what you are trying to say.. because you totally talk about what you did all day.

Your favorite movie right now is Totoro, the Japanese Anime. You are still pretty into Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan’s Youtube video of Allahu.. and you are still in love with the classic Winnie the Pooh stories. You aren’t allowed to watch more than one thing a day though. You are in love with your Grammy (Grummy) and Grandma (Gama).. as well as your Baba and Gumpa. You call your dad Baba and sometimes Papa.. so we aren’t sure which you’ll settle with. I am your best buddy though cuz we cuddle together in the night.. not to mention i’m the milk lady and thats gotta count for something!

You are so big right now that even though you are 30″ tall and 20 pounds you walk around with a backpack on your back and you act like an adult.. so your dad started calling you “little big kid”. You love to play outside with the neighbors.. your best buds Mina and Samina.

This may be long and boring but I have to do it. I am gonna list all the words, sentences, and concepts you know and say. (As much as I can remember off the top of my head).

I’ll start with signing.. you have a urdu sign for something being finished, complete, empty, or gone. Also, when we ask you about something you’ll point to it. Also, when we say Vehita.. you will make an “old lady” scrunched up face.

Sentences/Questions:

Where’s the ________? (ex: Where’s the Baba)

Here’s the —–.

Its a —. (Its a bug-your first sentence like this-)

He’s stuck.

Where are you guys?

Mama, Baba, Bye Bye.

Yes. Let go. Nooo. Stop it.

Songs/melodies:

Twinkle Twinkle, Allahu/Snuggypooh (lullaby) , Allahu (nusrat), Abc, Totoro, Kayu, La illaha illallah, la la la, and some of her own melodies.

Words:

Bookba (book), Allahu, Grummy, Baba, Mama, Gama, Gumpa, Mamoojaan, Aminami, Addu, Babiya, Safiyah, Saffu, Baby, Boon (balloon), Totoro, Dudoo, Sleep, Bed, Bear (bez), Door, Keys, Purse, Please, Thankyou (tunkoo), Hug (ug), Papoo (kiss), No No No, Hot hot hot, Kayu, Dolly, Mambo, Dance, Percy, Phuppijaan, Vero, bubbles, Jeffry, toys, bath (base), car, water, juice, food, eat, elephant (ebalan), bug, peekaboo, bookapeek, brush, lotion, Kabah, Allahuakbar, Talha, Uncle, Anty, crying, Meena, Nameena (Sameena), sky, moon, tree,

Hello. Ouchie (awshi). Poo Poo (time for potty training). Pee Pee.

Duck, Turtle, Horsy, Doggy, Bird, Bunny, Pooh, Tigger, Wigwit (piglet), Eeore, Christopher Robin, Kanga, Owl, Gato, Color, Yellow,

Nose, Eyes, Ears, teeth, neck, mouth, stomach (numuk), hair, hands, feet, back, socks, shoes, dress, jacket, hat ( awt), glasses, food, eat, eggy, strawberry (tawbish), apple, A, B, C, W,

Day at the Lake and some Insights.

Today we went to the lake and celebrated yet another commercial holiday.. Father’s Day, not that there’s anything wrong with that, all people in the family should be commemorated, but I just say it to point out the very money making nature of the holiday.. like most of the other holidays. But the cool thing is that we celebrated it in nature, with family, and with out the material aspect (that doesn’t always happen though).

Safiyah.. my girl, we are so proud of you because you were looking at the ducks in the lake and you pointed and said “Duck” with such clear pronunciation. You know a great many words now. I think you have about 20-30 words in your vocabulary now.. if not more. The ones you actually say are about 15 of them. But you are recognizing concepts and words daily.

Recent words you say:

duck, hu-hu-hu (as in.. Allah Hu), owl, pooh (as in winnie the pooh), this, that, papoo (as in Kiss), bye, baba, mama, du-du (as in milk), please, thank you, dog, cherry (aunti’s dog), gato (cat in spanish),

Other than these words, you know many songs, which I think i’ve already mentioned. Boy I am one of those bragging moms aren’t i. My kid is so smart!!! Intelligent!!! Because you ARE!!! Okay I’ll stop.

So one of the cool things I wanted to tell you about is this stuff they’ve been talking about on the Oprah show. Its not new stuff.. but once its on Oprah people start talking about these things.. it means that a concept has reached the mainstream once its been on Oprah. As for the rest of us, we’ve been knowing about this stuff for ever. So they mentioned this book called “The Secret” about how to use the laws of attraction to get what you want out of life. They had some awesome “self help” writers and motivational speakers come and talk about their stories.

So it reminded me of some of the stuff I was really exploring when I was an undergrad in college. It all started around 1998/2000 ish. So I read some cool books like “The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho, and “The Celestine Prophesy” by James Redfield, and then there is one I read a bit later by one of my sufi teachers, Dr. Robert Frager, its called “Heart, Self & Soul: The Sufi Psychology of Growth, Balance, and Harmony”.

So the point of these and many many other books is this:

Often what you are looking for in life is already there. Perspective is everything. The old cliche of looking at the glass half full or half empty.. and so on and so forth. Why is this important? Because you will come to a point in life where you think you should feel lonely, depressed, or you are feeling EMPTY. It is not something that you have to live with. No person, or thing will ever be able to fill that empty void. It means there is something you are missing in your spiritual life… in the way you perceive life. Every time you think you are having the worst day-worst life, think of someone who is fighting for their life with a terminal disease, or someone who is living in a war torn country, or a woman who has no independence and never will, or someone who has lost their family in a natural disaster. Not that your problems aren’t important, they are, and they need to be addressed at some point, but they shouldn’t control you or your mood. You can easily step out of it, as if you are simply getting up out of a chair. In essence, you are in control of your mind, your thoughts, and your feelings.

You can be happy in life. You can have what you want in life. You just have to pray for it, visualize it, speak positive, and positive things will come your way. One of the things they mentioned was to make yourself a vision board. Basically it can be a magnet board, a cork board, or a poster board with pictures, words, (magazine cut outs) of everything you want.. everything that inspires you to be the best you and to use your God given talents in the best way possible. Soon, the things on your board will come your way. Keep looking at it every day, and it will become a reality. When you really want something, and you do everything in your power to attain it, the universe and everything in it will bend to make that thing a reality for you. One of our most powerful prayers in Islam goes like this “If this is good for me in this life than bring it close to me and bring me close to it, but if this thing is not good for me in this life than pull it away from me and pull me away from it. The thing is to trust in the divine energy that is Allah. Trust that this divinity that has created you and the entire universe from nothing, knows what is in your best interest, and that when you ask for something you should LET IT GO.. meaning .. you don’t know what is good for you or not.. because none of us has foresight.. none of us can tell the future, none of us can see the unseen.. so leave it up to God to decide if you should have that thing, and trust that if it is in your destiny than you will receive it, if it is not.. than there is probably a good reason for that.

This conversation always leads to the whole “Why do bad things happen to good people” debate. So here’s the deal. Life is a test. Bad things happen to good people.. but more times than not, Good things happen to good people. One thing that is not the most politically correct is KARMA. The reason i say it isn’t PC is because I am talking about families, countries, cultures, and groups of people who have to suffer for something because people that they are linked to in one of these ways screwed it up for them. We can look at it from a micro level before applying it to the macro.. like an entire country. So on the micro level lets look at ourselves. Each of us has several issues to deal with in life, and majority of them come from something our parents or grandparents did (right or wrong, it affects you in a negative way).. almost everyone can say that. However, we can sit there and use blame, and go nuts trying to fix it.. or we can LET IT GO, look to the future and decide what we want the second half of our lives to look like.

Another thing that goes along with this is the fact that negative things of all shapes and sizes can and usually are good for us. It may be a blessing in disguise. Its something negative for us at the moment, but it may teach us something that is valuable. It might be a lesser evil than something worse that could have happened to us. It just may mean that if it doesn’t kill us its meant to make us stronger. Use all of these negative and difficult experiences as opportunities to grow and learn about life.. especially how to deal with things. We can’t act like spoiled babies anytime something happens to us.. we have to have hard shells like turtles and resist these things.. use it as a lesson. (I know, I know, easier said than done.. but it can be done, if you really want to be happy).

So anyway, I won’t preach any longer.. I just wanted to share some deeper thoughts this time around. So other than the Eckhart Tolle book which should be my next read, please leave some book recommendations in the comments section so that my little Safiyah has some inspiring reading to do when she is old enough to read this blog. Merci Beaucoup!

Inspiration

I just got through watching a truly inspiring film called “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly”. Its about a well known and successful French man who becomes paralyzed from head to toe. Its his life from that moment on, from his own perspective. I won’t tell you just how they got it from his perspective, as he is paralyzed, because you have to see it to find out.

Lately you have been sort of obsessed with having us play this YouTube video for you. You don’t watch it as much as you listen to it. Its Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan doing “Allah Hu” .. your favorite song, and your favorite Zikr all in one. You do your very own dervish dance to it and you ask us to play it for you by saying “Taa?” and pointing to the computer and not letting up until we play exactly that. No other version, no other song, no other video will do. Just that.

You are about 16 months now and you are saying the word “Bookba” which in Safiyah language means Book. You also have been singing the tune of “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” with the word Bookba. You have been doing a lot more walking. I no longer carry you out to the car. You walk with me, except for the stairs, down which I  carry you. Outside of our  condo is a courtyard with grass, pathways, and a round water fountain lined with what looks like Turkish style tiles. I like the fact that our building, although in the middle of our quite boring town, is a Mediterranean style building, and actually has these impressive tiles in different parts of it. Its not the most amazing looking building, but for this nameless town, its not bad.

I have started practicing Capoeira again. Other than Yoga, it is the sport/martial art/exercize that I enjoy more than anything else. I want to get my body back to feeling more flexible, balanced, and strong. After having a child, a woman’s body goes through many changes, and it takes a while for it to be worked back up to how it was once upon a time. (Not in any way intended to blame you my dear, I am happy to have given birth to you because you are the most beautiful thing in my life. Nothing makes me happier than you).

More to come…

A Bedtime Story for FiFi

Safiyah. Since this blog is to you my little girl, I thought i’d put a little bedtime story on it for today. I always loved to hear stories, and just in case I don’t have one to tell you when you really want to hear one, here it is, preserved in time for you on your very own blog. Its one that my dad emailed to me.

When I lived in NY between 2001 and 2003 I would sometimes call my dad and ask him to tell me a story while I lay in bed. He would sometimes tell me stories of the Prophets. They are the best stories. I hope you enjoy this one, and I hope you are able to take something from it.

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.
One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.
His bed was next to the room’s only window.
The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.
The men talked for hours on end.
They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.
Every afternoon,  when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.
The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside. The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake.
Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.
As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene.
One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by.
Although the other man could not hear the band, he could see it in his mind’s eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.
Days, weeks and months passed.
One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep.
She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.
As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.
Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real
world outside.
He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed.
It faced a blank wall.
The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.
The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.
She said, ‘Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.’

More than one Safiyah!

I somehow came upon a blog last night titled “The Amazing Adventures of Safiyah”. This blog is written by a sister that, like me, talks about the Safiyah in her life. Now I didn’t JUST enjoy it because we are both mothers of Safiyah, but ALSO because I felt an emotional bond with this mother, and I connected to what I read. Motherhood is a very sensitive, emotional, joyous, and …well.. indescribable institution. Thus.. reading someone’s deep down, honest reflections on it is really cool. I could really relate to the mixed feelings described in her post about her Safiyah starting preschool..  when your baby girl is growing up and blossoming into herself.. but you feel a slight tinge of loss.. like you are losing your little baby. I know that these feelings will never end, as both of our Safiyahs will keep growing (Insha’allah) and blossoming into dignified ladies.. with all of our prayers cushioning their every fall.

So one thought that gives me a little peace of mind is reminding myself of just how attached I still am to my own mama. I’m still a mama’s girl. Maybe these things are hereditary. There is no real way to cut that cord i suppose.. the teenage years will do a number on the connection, yes i know.. they will come (for a long time) and go.. and hopefully we’ll survive them with enough left in us to take the lessons and look back and laugh at some of the crazy moments. Okay that is enough teenager talk.. Safiyah is still under 2 years old so I can still enjoy the babyness that is my favorite part of living right now. I just put her to bed and I could just stay there and stare at her sleeping all night because her tiny little self with her red cheeks and sweaty head of wispy hair is the cutest thing i’ll ever know.

So I want to thank Miss Kameelah for sharing with us, with moi. So Miss Safiyah, when you grow up and read this blog which is dedicated to future-you, maybe you can look up the other Safiyah and be friends.